So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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