Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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