Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
