I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
