Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Floor bacon is actually really good
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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