Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
