I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's never too late to be topless.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
