No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
