Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize