I just saw a hot homeless man
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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