you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize