there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
