As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize