need another drink. this is the easiest way
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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