So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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