3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
