I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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