i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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