Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
