Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
