After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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