WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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