Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just pee around me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
