Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
