She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
