I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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