[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
