I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
