My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Holy shit dude........stairs
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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