Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
