Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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