Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize