Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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