He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
