fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
