From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
