How'd it feel making her break her religion?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
