please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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