Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
