I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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