While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
