I think I am morally bankrupt
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
