Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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