Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
