I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
