too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
