textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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