all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize