Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
