Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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