she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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