the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
