It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
