I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
