Rock
Scissors
Fuck
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
