goodnight i made you a song goodbye
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
