Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize