Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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