That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
