you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
