FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
