it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if only i could text you this smell
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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