Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
