Barsexuality is the new black.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize