im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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