Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
