I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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