i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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