toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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