There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
