i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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