I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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